Famous drunk qoutes

In the spirit of xmas and also in regard to my dssertation

I with the help of Miss Hanley prepared a set of qoutes for

you pleasure...

best read with a moderate tipple...

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra and panties.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they'regoing to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and
better looking than most people.

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading."
Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like a retard.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
Salvation in a can!
Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you can logically converse with
members of the opposite s e x without spitting.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff
Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers,
Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
>>
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and health of the whole groupkeeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. In much the same way,
the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient

machine.That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers