Famous drunk qoutes

In the spirit of xmas and also in regard to my dssertation

I with the help of Miss Hanley prepared a set of qoutes for

you pleasure...

best read with a moderate tipple...

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra and panties.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they'regoing to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and
better looking than most people.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading."
Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like a retard.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
Salvation in a can!
Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you can logically converse with
members of the opposite s e x without spitting.

>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff
Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers,
Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
>>
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and health of the whole groupkeeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. In much the same way,
the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient

machine.That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers

maturity comes with age

in aid of science

research project

The research is into “the effects of ethanol and energy based stimulant drinks on motor reaction time to visual stimulus”. Rephrased: “Does red bull and vodka actually work?”

The test requires people who are moderate or social drinkers to take part in a test into the effectiveness of alcohol and energy stimulant drinks.


Criteria
If you are interested in being included please reply to this email with your

height
Weight
Details of any reasons why you may not be suitable
And any medication you are currently taking.

If successful you will be necessary for you to attend lab sessions on four separate days. If leave from work is required official letters can be sent out to your employer or educational institution.

There are requirements to pass before being included in the test. A simple health screen must be passed and you must be within your scientifically determined weight range or body mass index.

It is also advisable to consult your general practitioner in relation to your suitability.

Food requirements
Please note that on the day before the test you will not be allowed to drink any alcohol. On the morning of the test you will not be allowed to eat any food until you have reached the test centre.

On arrival you will be given a meal consisting of 400 calories. This will be to ensure that all the test participants have had the “same” amount of nutritional intake before the alcohol is administered.

You will be given alcohol and then after an hour of time has lapses you will be allowed to complete a reaction time test and the measurements will go into a set of results for your record.

Safety
After the test you will be advised to stay within the test centre for a minimum period of an hour and also you will be advised to take an agent to reverse the effects of the alcohol. If you refuse these two options then you will have to sign a disclaimer.

This is merely for legal reasons and to ensure that if you decide to drive or operate machinery then the test centre has covered itself by giving you the option to be safe.

YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO PARTAKE IF YOU HAVE ULCERS, LIVER OR DIGESTIVE TRACT DISORDERS OR ARE ON ANY CONTRICTORY MEDICATION WHICH FORBIDS ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION.

ALSO WE ARE ONLY LOOKING FOR A MAXIMUM OF 15 MALE AND FEMALE TEST SUBJECTS. PLEASE REPLY PROMPTLY IF YOU WISH TO BE INCLUDED.


Many thanks
ANTHONY LARBI
UNIVERSITY OF WESTMINSTER
SCHOOL OF BIOSCIENCES RESEARCH FACILITY
115 NEW CAVENDISH STREET
LONDON
W1W 6UW